Default. Default? Default!

Well dear reader, I guess it looks like we’re going to default. I’d get out of the stock market now, and if you can, lock in your mortgage and credit card interest rates, or pay them off all together. Of course, most Americans can’t afford to do that, so the rosiest thing I can say is: this will be interesting.
Now, there are three ways the Ring (the debt ceiling, which the Cants are currently wielding like Sauron on a drunken power binge) can be destroyed here:

1) Obama can, citing Article 4 of the Fourteenth Amendment, basically just say, “guys, the fuckwads in Congress can’t get it done—the Republican party has journeyed to the edge of the conservative abyss, and seeing nothing there, went insane. Like the Reevers in “Firefly,” they have become soulless, cannibalistic monsters who stink of scotch and prostitutes—dirty, dirty whores. So, I’m just going to raise the debt ceiling, because what they are currently doing, though their mangled minds can’t comprehend this, is unconstitutional. God bless you, and God bless America.”

2) The Federal Reserve could basically just start printing money, although, they wouldn’t actually print it—they’d just say it was a loan.

3) Congress could get its shit together and raise the debt limit. Harry Reid’s plan is incredibly smart, and fits the Republican’s originally stated criteria for raising the debt limit. If they reject this, Reid and Pelosi should basically just put forth a simple bill that says, “we’re going to raise the debt limit by 2 trillion.” Then force Republicans to vote against that and take responsibility for their almost unfathomable irresponsibility.

Hopefully, one of these things will happen, although, in my own mangled mind, there’s a small, evil voice shouting, “default, default! DEFAULT!” And instead of holding up a large “D” and a white picket fence, he’s burning a large fake dollar.
I know, it sounds awful, but he’s on our side, and here’s why a default could actually be good: the Republicans are going to take the responsibility for default like a rocket up the ass. Sure, the usual liars like Limbaugh, Fox, and the supposedly serious George Will, will try to find some way to blame it on Obama, but in the end, these are the facts, and they are undisputed:
A) Congress has raised the debt ceiling something like 70 or 80 times without default.
B) Republicans had no problem doing it during Bush’s presidency, in which the deficit exploded.
C) More than 50% of Americans already know that the Republican party is evil and hates the U.S.
D) The other 20-30% of people that don’t really pay attention will wake up pissed when they see the economy crash.
E) Corporate donors to the Republican Party, which are substantial, will back out and support Democrats in the next election.
So, if we default, you’re going to see the Republican Party and the spinsters try to pull off a little magic act, they’re gonna try a little misdirection. They’re going to astonish you with stories of spending and dazzle you with official sounding terms like “Financial Responsibility.” They might even cut into a few of their own for you. They’ll have no evidence, mind you, none. But it’s gonna be entertaining. And when we get to the end, all the magic in the world will not have been able to divert your attention from the fact that the U.S. economy is dead, and the Republican Party killed it. These are the facts of the case. And they are undisputed.
OK, I’m done plagiarizing captain Ross there, but I hope the Republican party gets it: lies only work for so long, and they don’t work at all when people are begging in the streets. Americans have had the privilege of being pretty whimsical of late, but people have a way of sobering up pretty fucking quick when you steal money from them, or when you endanger their family’s well-being. Sure, they’ll always have the 20% of morons on their side, because they’re about as intelligent and loyal as golden retrievers. But rest assured that most Americans, when they find their financial future under attack, will care enough to find out just what the fuck has been going on.
See, every time the Cants pull this bullshit parade—every time they force their conservative policies on our nation, which are terrible for the economy—they lose people. And there are a lot of Republican voters out there with mortgages and investments that are going to be furious if we default, and at the end of the day, most of them aren’t going to blame Obama or the Democrats, who’ve offered several incredibly good deals in order to raise the debt limit—to which the Republicans said, “no.”
So, look, I hope that like in Lord of the Rings, some force in government bites the Ring off of the Republican hand and falls into the fires of Mount Doom, but I also know that when evil rears its ugly head, dwarves, elves, and men make unlikely alliances. If we default, few will dispute what I’ve been saying all along: the Republican Party is evil. Purely, and wholly, evil.