Tea Party 2 (earmuffs)

Wow. Wow. OK, so did anybody actually see some of the people that attended these tea party's. Wow. Let me just say this: if you know one of these people, I would recommend getting a restraining order, or moving, and then changing your phone and email address, because these fucking people are two church services away from marrying several 14 year old girls, getting an assload (what a great compound word that is...) of guns, getting into a shooting war with the U.S. Military, and then committing suicide unceremoniously after declaring themselves Jesus Christ. I mean, these people are absolute krazies. Yeah that's right, I spelled crazy with a "k." Because we all know that when you spell words with k, you're fucking serious about being wacky.
And that is the perfect word to describe these low humans. Wacky, zany, ludicrous, foolhardy...certifiably batshit fucking krazy. Yes, we are talking about guano here.
Batshit krazy is the only term I know of to encapsulate how fucking nuts someone is, when they are over 7 years old and they continue to play make believe, which coincidentally, is what makes these tea partiers such good Christians. Normally, you would look at some of these people and think, "no way this bastard has any friends--he probably works at a shooting range and plays with model trains in his spare time." But you would be wrong. They have lots of friends. Imaginary ones. And this explains why John McCain was running around saying "my friends" all the time. Seriously, if you are brave enough to talk to one of these people, ask them if they want to play cowboys and Indians and watch their fucking face light up like an arsonist in a lumber yard. Or take them to a toy store.
Recently I had the privilege to interview one of these people. Here's the transcript:
Me: So how did you come about these political views?
BK: I hate the view--they have too many goddamn liberals on there.
Me: OK, so what do you hate about liberals?
BK: I hate them because they hate America, and I love America, so I hate liberals.
Me: Do you enjoy playing with model trains?
BK: YES! I love trains! You should see all my trains! They are so cool--I have ones that are red and blue, and then there's a green...
Me: Oh, well that's very nice, so what do you think about Barack Obama?
BK: His skin color is different than mine, and I don't like that...I hate people that are different than me, (whispers) especially black people--but the grand dragon says we have to be quiet about that.
Me: Understandably. You wouldn't want people to think that you were racist?
BK: Oh no--I'm not racist--I love Jesus. I am a good Christian--are you?
Me: Well, no, not exactly.
BK: Then you're going to hell. (he started yelling) STRAIGHT TO HELL! STRAIGHT TO HELL! STRA...
Me: OK, calm down. Calm down--wanna go get some ice cream?
BK: Boy do I ever! YAY!!!
For the record, at this point I just turned and ran away.
Anyway, this is why we really need a ban on assault weapons. We can't have BK's running around all over the place making shit up and playing with model trains--and certainly not when they can go buy guns...hmmm. Hell, I've got an idea, lets just make people take an IQ test before they can register to buy a gun--you've got to be above 100 to get a gun...here's the slogan "Too dumb? NO GUN!" Catchy, isn't it?
Either that, or just train arms dealers to be a little more suspicious, like when a BK comes in and says, "do I have to fill this out, or can I have my friend Bill do it--I'm pretty tired actually."
Arms Dealer: I don't see anyone.
BK: Oh, well no one can--he's invisible.
Arms Dealer (thinking): Wait a fucking second...
I digress. Well, if you do see one of these people--one of the one's that actually went to these tea party's--do us all a favor and pee on their fucking face. Why? Because its hard to keep making shit up when you smell like piss, and if you do, at least no one will believe you.