Wow. Wow. OK, so did anybody actually see some of the people that attended these tea party's. Wow. Let me just say this: if you know one of these people, I would recommend getting a restraining order, or moving, and then changing your phone and email address, because these fucking people are two church services away from marrying several 14 year old girls, getting an assload (what a great compound word that is...) of guns, getting into a shooting war with the U.S. Military, and then committing suicide unceremoniously after declaring themselves Jesus Christ. I mean, these people are absolute krazies. Yeah that's right, I spelled crazy with a "k." Because we all know that when you spell words with k, you're fucking serious about being wacky.
And that is the perfect word to describe these low humans. Wacky, zany, ludicrous, foolhardy...certifiably batshit fucking krazy. Yes, we are talking about guano here.
Batshit krazy is the only term I know of to encapsulate how fucking nuts someone is, when they are over 7 years old and they continue to play make believe, which coincidentally, is what makes these tea partiers such good Christians. Normally, you would look at some of these people and think, "no way this bastard has any friends--he probably works at a shooting range and plays with model trains in his spare time." But you would be wrong. They have lots of friends. Imaginary ones. And this explains why John McCain was running around saying "my friends" all the time. Seriously, if you are brave enough to talk to one of these people, ask them if they want to play cowboys and Indians and watch their fucking face light up like an arsonist in a lumber yard. Or take them to a toy store.
Recently I had the privilege to interview one of these people. Here's the transcript:
Me: So how did you come about these political views?
BK: I hate the view--they have too many goddamn liberals on there.
Me: OK, so what do you hate about liberals?
BK: I hate them because they hate America, and I love America, so I hate liberals.
Me: Do you enjoy playing with model trains?
BK: YES! I love trains! You should see all my trains! They are so cool--I have ones that are red and blue, and then there's a green...
Me: Oh, well that's very nice, so what do you think about Barack Obama?
BK: His skin color is different than mine, and I don't like that...I hate people that are different than me, (whispers) especially black people--but the grand dragon says we have to be quiet about that.
Me: Understandably. You wouldn't want people to think that you were racist?
BK: Oh no--I'm not racist--I love Jesus. I am a good Christian--are you?
Me: Well, no, not exactly.
BK: Then you're going to hell. (he started yelling) STRAIGHT TO HELL! STRAIGHT TO HELL! STRA...
Me: OK, calm down. Calm down--wanna go get some ice cream?
BK: Boy do I ever! YAY!!!
For the record, at this point I just turned and ran away.
Anyway, this is why we really need a ban on assault weapons. We can't have BK's running around all over the place making shit up and playing with model trains--and certainly not when they can go buy guns...hmmm. Hell, I've got an idea, lets just make people take an IQ test before they can register to buy a gun--you've got to be above 100 to get a gun...here's the slogan "Too dumb? NO GUN!" Catchy, isn't it?
Either that, or just train arms dealers to be a little more suspicious, like when a BK comes in and says, "do I have to fill this out, or can I have my friend Bill do it--I'm pretty tired actually."
Arms Dealer: I don't see anyone.
BK: Oh, well no one can--he's invisible.
Arms Dealer (thinking): Wait a fucking second...
I digress. Well, if you do see one of these people--one of the one's that actually went to these tea party's--do us all a favor and pee on their fucking face. Why? Because its hard to keep making shit up when you smell like piss, and if you do, at least no one will believe you.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
A Tea Party with the Mad Hatter
Well conservatives are back at it again, holding tea parties around the country to protest government spending and taxation. As usual, it is a moronic, misplaced use of their energy, and yet another signal that they are still clinging to their bankrupt philosophy of laissez faire capitalism.
A few questions if I may: how many people of color are attending these "tea parties?" More importantly, where the hell were these teaparties when Bush and Co. were in office? I mean, I guess I don't get it--are they mad that Obama has proposed to spend more on education, health care, and infrastructure? Would it be okay if he had started a war to justify an increase in spending? And hey, didn't Obama cut taxes (well, with Congresses help)? What exactly are these people protesting?
I'll bet that none of the people attending these parties could actually answer any of the above questions, maybe save the first: none. They would dodge them and stick to their talking points, like the perpertual joke of a human being Sarah Palin did during the debates, and make about as much sense: none. What's that Holden--oh yes, quite right, people never make any sense when you want them to.
No, the fact is that these are just people that are angry their candidate didn't win, that Fox News is running out of steam, and that our new president--A BLACK DEMOCRAT--is doing one hell of a job. I mean, these are people that would probably have wished the whole pirate fiasco went terribly, horribly wrong.
What I really don't get is why our supposedly "liberal" media didn't ask one simple question: "Why weren't you upset about increased government spending when George W. Bush was president? After all, under Bush, government spending increased 19% overall, and 25% when it comes to non-military discretionary spending. Why didn't that bother you, or prompt a tea party?" To me, part of being a good journalist is asking those probing questions, not just simply reporting what is happening. Hey, guess what, from where I'm sitting, its sunny today. This is part of why newspapers are going out of business. Sure people are going on the web to get information, but they are also tired of getting dumbed down stories that are crafted not to stir the pot or anger corporate advertising dollars. People want compelling news--not a passive observation. I digress.
As liberals, we just need to constantly remind people that most of our spending goes toward the military, so if you want to cut spending, lets cut military spending. If someone tells you they went to a teaparty, ask them why, and why they didn't care when Bush was in office. Two other points: 1) a certain level of taxes are necessary--for defense, education, HEALTH CARE!!!, fire, police, transportation, municipal facilities, and other basic necessities. 2) If we want to make the tax code more fair, we ought to tax wealth, not income.
I guess I don't really have anything else on this, because it is just another case of conservatives being manipulated by the Right Wing and the Republican party. The scary thing is, these are the same people that are adamant about owning guns.
A few questions if I may: how many people of color are attending these "tea parties?" More importantly, where the hell were these teaparties when Bush and Co. were in office? I mean, I guess I don't get it--are they mad that Obama has proposed to spend more on education, health care, and infrastructure? Would it be okay if he had started a war to justify an increase in spending? And hey, didn't Obama cut taxes (well, with Congresses help)? What exactly are these people protesting?
I'll bet that none of the people attending these parties could actually answer any of the above questions, maybe save the first: none. They would dodge them and stick to their talking points, like the perpertual joke of a human being Sarah Palin did during the debates, and make about as much sense: none. What's that Holden--oh yes, quite right, people never make any sense when you want them to.
No, the fact is that these are just people that are angry their candidate didn't win, that Fox News is running out of steam, and that our new president--A BLACK DEMOCRAT--is doing one hell of a job. I mean, these are people that would probably have wished the whole pirate fiasco went terribly, horribly wrong.
What I really don't get is why our supposedly "liberal" media didn't ask one simple question: "Why weren't you upset about increased government spending when George W. Bush was president? After all, under Bush, government spending increased 19% overall, and 25% when it comes to non-military discretionary spending. Why didn't that bother you, or prompt a tea party?" To me, part of being a good journalist is asking those probing questions, not just simply reporting what is happening. Hey, guess what, from where I'm sitting, its sunny today. This is part of why newspapers are going out of business. Sure people are going on the web to get information, but they are also tired of getting dumbed down stories that are crafted not to stir the pot or anger corporate advertising dollars. People want compelling news--not a passive observation. I digress.
As liberals, we just need to constantly remind people that most of our spending goes toward the military, so if you want to cut spending, lets cut military spending. If someone tells you they went to a teaparty, ask them why, and why they didn't care when Bush was in office. Two other points: 1) a certain level of taxes are necessary--for defense, education, HEALTH CARE!!!, fire, police, transportation, municipal facilities, and other basic necessities. 2) If we want to make the tax code more fair, we ought to tax wealth, not income.
I guess I don't really have anything else on this, because it is just another case of conservatives being manipulated by the Right Wing and the Republican party. The scary thing is, these are the same people that are adamant about owning guns.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Attention getting
Its a proportion blowout! Everything is going to be totally and completely blown out of proportion! We won't stop until there is nothing left that hasn't been totally distorted, manufactured, spun, or lied about! We are professionals about making mountains out of molehills...remember the Gulf of Tonkin incident, the criminalization of marijuana in the 40's, the Downing Street memo--that was us...
All kidding aside, I've noticed a disturbing trend in our society of recent. But before I begin, suffice it to say that for some reason, we have produced a culture where being abnormal is encouraged, where one's avatar is a carefully sculpted, manufactured combination of traits and dress, that is all aimed at granting the individual one thing: attention. And it seems more often than not, it doesn't matter whether it is bad attention or good attention--in fact, it is precisely the getting of bad attention that seems to be the most coveted. After all, they don't have reality shows about people that do good things and are normal. No, they get the absolute worst, the best looking, most soulless bastards they can find and trot them out in front of the camera and shoot.
Lately, I've noticed a trend for girls to think that they are lesbians...our society has become so obsessed with female beauty that as soon as a girl has a bad heterosexual relationship or bad experience with a man (almost immediately followed by a proportion blowout, ex: all men are awful people, all men are pigs, etc.), she decides she's going pink. Look, I have nothing against people that are gays or lesbians--whoever you decide to have sex with is your business alone. I also support gay marriage. However, I think it delegitimizes the gay rights movement when people that are not really gay, start "deciding" that they are, and the reason I pick on girls here is that, well, you don't often see too many guys decide to become gay. Girls (and I use the term girls because we are not talking about mature, confident women) on the other hand, are apparently joining the club in droves. It's cool for a girl to be gay, or bi, just take the song "I kissed a girl and I liked it." Our society accepts and encourages soft lesbian behavior constantly--and guess what? It is a guaranteed attention getter--owed in no small part to frat dicks everywhere. And it bothers me. Mainly because its obnoxious, but also because like so much of the avatar building that goes on, its not genuine--WWHCS--what would Holden Caufield say: they are a bunch of phonies. Moreover, as I mentioned earlier, it gives every psychotic Christian a good reason to oppose gay rights. If, after all, being gay is just a "decision," then there is no real legitimacy to being gay...and that is problematic. Homosexuality is fundamentally unnatural from an evolutionary standpoint. If every man in the world went brown and every girl in the world went pink, the entire human population would be extinct within one generation. So again, if being gay is a choice, then why shouldn't every parent oppress the hell out of their kids growing up into being straight--I don't know a whole lot of parents out there crossing their fingers hoping that their son or daughter is gay. It seems to me that on the margins there are certain people that are gay, or transexual, or whatever, and that these characteristics are biological, not developmental. Those people I'm fine with, but for the rest of the phonies out there: knock it off.
All kidding aside, I've noticed a disturbing trend in our society of recent. But before I begin, suffice it to say that for some reason, we have produced a culture where being abnormal is encouraged, where one's avatar is a carefully sculpted, manufactured combination of traits and dress, that is all aimed at granting the individual one thing: attention. And it seems more often than not, it doesn't matter whether it is bad attention or good attention--in fact, it is precisely the getting of bad attention that seems to be the most coveted. After all, they don't have reality shows about people that do good things and are normal. No, they get the absolute worst, the best looking, most soulless bastards they can find and trot them out in front of the camera and shoot.
Lately, I've noticed a trend for girls to think that they are lesbians...our society has become so obsessed with female beauty that as soon as a girl has a bad heterosexual relationship or bad experience with a man (almost immediately followed by a proportion blowout, ex: all men are awful people, all men are pigs, etc.), she decides she's going pink. Look, I have nothing against people that are gays or lesbians--whoever you decide to have sex with is your business alone. I also support gay marriage. However, I think it delegitimizes the gay rights movement when people that are not really gay, start "deciding" that they are, and the reason I pick on girls here is that, well, you don't often see too many guys decide to become gay. Girls (and I use the term girls because we are not talking about mature, confident women) on the other hand, are apparently joining the club in droves. It's cool for a girl to be gay, or bi, just take the song "I kissed a girl and I liked it." Our society accepts and encourages soft lesbian behavior constantly--and guess what? It is a guaranteed attention getter--owed in no small part to frat dicks everywhere. And it bothers me. Mainly because its obnoxious, but also because like so much of the avatar building that goes on, its not genuine--WWHCS--what would Holden Caufield say: they are a bunch of phonies. Moreover, as I mentioned earlier, it gives every psychotic Christian a good reason to oppose gay rights. If, after all, being gay is just a "decision," then there is no real legitimacy to being gay...and that is problematic. Homosexuality is fundamentally unnatural from an evolutionary standpoint. If every man in the world went brown and every girl in the world went pink, the entire human population would be extinct within one generation. So again, if being gay is a choice, then why shouldn't every parent oppress the hell out of their kids growing up into being straight--I don't know a whole lot of parents out there crossing their fingers hoping that their son or daughter is gay. It seems to me that on the margins there are certain people that are gay, or transexual, or whatever, and that these characteristics are biological, not developmental. Those people I'm fine with, but for the rest of the phonies out there: knock it off.
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